On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., Senator John Kerry’s spokesman visited the Cardinal of the Catholic Cathedral. He told the Cardinal that John Kerry would be attending the next day’s sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Kerry a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over a certain number of Kerry’s views.”
Kerry’s spokesman then said, “Look. I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Kerry as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Kerry’s campaign spokesman promised, Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main isle. And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was present.
Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Senator Kerry’s presence is probably an honor to some, he is not my favorite person. Some of his views are contrary to those of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other views. John Kerry is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. John Kerry is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. John Kerry is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. He turned on his buddies in Vietnam . He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal (including one that does not even exist). He married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here, in Washington , and in Massachusetts. He simply is not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal completed his view of Kerry with, “But, when compared to Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint.”